Most of my friends know the reason why I made the move from Portugal to Basel.
I had a very complex plan to reach happiness. It was part of my plan, my girlfriend. Actually she was the center of it.
So, it's not hard to think I moved here to be with her. She is (was) not portuguese, and she didn't want to live there, so we agreed on a list of countries, cities to look for jobs. I got a job, I moved, I said bye-bye to parents, brother, family, big big friends, you know... "Hey, my beloved ones, I love this girl here and I would go to China to be with her, so... I'm trying my luck."
And I did, I came, I was living here for almost three months. She visited me and of course, were happy happy moments for both. Most pictures from the blog were taken by her.
She was having difficulties to get a job here. So our complex plan had this eventuality predicted there and it said something like this: " If she can't find a job after two, maximum three months since my arrival, she would come anyway and we would start living together."
So I followed the advice of a friend, after telling him that she was getting a bit depressed to be in her country, without having my hug that she likes so much. So, he suggested me to push her a bit, to make her feel more secure and to come to me, to come to our love nest. And so I did. I talked with her many days about this, she postponed a bit the conversation with the boss, this and that, this and that.... until few days ago.
"Hey Bruno... you know what? I'm tired of fighting for us to be together. My place is here. Maybe we talk again one day."
I don't need to write any more details from the conversation because they are complex, too much complex and very far from good to think of them.
So, now, the city is in the dark. For two days I could only see the floor as I was walking. Like I was so ashamed that I couldn't let people look at my face.
The truth is that I didn't live these last 3 months. I lived for her, to help her bare our distance, to make her always remember how much she feels for me, because this was something I was always sure. And I didn't live because everyday after work, the only thing I wanted to do was to run home, to open skype, the webcam and see my wonder.
I did everything possible to keep her, to make her come to me, to make her happy. And I didn't live, I didn't mind I didn't live, because any sacrifice would not be big enough to have her with me. Whatever I could do, it would always be for a better future for us.
In the past two days, I drunk, I cried, I did whatever besides staying alone with my thoughts. Because these thoughts kill me, they really strangle my throat.
I had the help of new good friend. I had no friend here, until now. It's my fault, I know. But this guy helped me a lot, he made me hold to myself. And so I started to get drunk with social relations. In the past two days, I met, I would say ten people. And I talked with them, not about this of course, about any other subject, but I it felt so good to get drunk of people, of smiles, laughs, drinks, conversations... really really the best it happened to me for a long time.
I see the lights of the city coming up again, little by little.
Bottom line is the same as always: girlfriends come and go, but friends are forever.
And I made a new great friend and a lot of potential ones also. I will conquest Basel now. All my strenghts are for this, now. Noone else, nothing else, but this. People. Because even if I'm angry at human race, at it's weeknesses, I'm here to love again. And that day will come.
